Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I cant stand myself. I'm sucha crybaby.
Whenever I'm sad, disappointed, hurt, Very pissed off or misunderstood, I dont anything except cry. So useless. And this is the second time (so far in my entire life) that I cried in public and it's so embarrassing, I just wanna jump into a hole and die there.
I feel so so.. I cant really find a word that fits all. It's kinda a mixture of helplessness, irritation, frustration and being discarded kinda feeling. Ever since I hurt my back (and it's a long time back), i couldnt train decently. I coudnt run long distance, do jump ball or highest point. I cant remember when I have played a decent match. Probably sometime last year in kallang.
It's kinda making me less optimistic by the day. I realise how much I want to be part of the team for this year season, no matter how much I tried disuading myself (and people around me) that I'm not. I've been playing netball for quite some time already and suddenly, not having to train feels so weird.
And I hate the fact that my stamina is going down day by day. I spent so much effort to build it up and I wanna do well for this year cross country! But all seemed quite unattainable now. Haix.
And there's nothing I can do about. ):
Skipped training (cycling session pui!) today cus I wanted to go see a doctor again for my back. It isnt getting worse, but it's not recovering as well. But my dad and I went all the way down to find it closed. Was feeling so damn pissed and unexplainably discouraged.
Wanted to go to the one eileen went but my dad needed to cut his hair so we're going tomorrow, hopefully. Then for some unknown reason, I started crying right infront of my dad. How crazy la. But oh well, like I said I was feeling very frustrated and one little obstacle now can just make me cry. ):
Took train then bought cards before going back home.
Lots of work to do.
P.S but I'm thankful that I have someone whom I can always share my unhappiness and happiness with. Who is willing to stay and chat with me online though his msn screwed and have to sign in and out every 5minutes. thanks <3
BYE!
Saturday, January 26, 2008
I have been doing lots of thinking today, and apparently had made zanyu quite fed up with me today cus my attention was drifting in and out of my head.
But I was just wondering just how much chingay is worth participating. So far both training were boring to the max. The organisation skills were bad, the ability of them to engage the audience is low. They zi high on the stage one lo and the audience just sit and stone and attempt to laugh.
Basically, volunteers turned up for the training because they threatened to take our names off the list should we try pon (which I dont really care actually.)
I don't like the way they treated us like lil kids (esp that very annoying girl and stocky guy). And briefings were worse than lectures! I didnt manage to know more about chingay or the musts and donts for volunteers cus my attention couldnt last for 4hours. I could have better spend the time at NUH or at home slacking.
Maybe I will feel more satisfied if I just quit chingay altogether and continue with NUH. I'm aiming for 100hours of CIP and I joined chingay cus I thought it would really be an eye opening experience (since I never witness one before) and at the same time get a minimum of 30cip hours. But I'm bored to tears every sat morning. ):
I'm skipping tomorrow's fund raising activity without a valid reason. Couldnt be bothered to cook up an excuse. I dont really think the organisation is worth raising money for anyway. I'm more willing to spend time raising donations for people in need of help. And that fund raising thing has nothing to do with chingay, I think.
I tried to imagine how tomorrow will be like and I realised I dont feel motivated and driven to do the fund raising. I dont even feel like approaching the public for their money at all. So meaningless.
Maybe I'm someone who prefer to offer my services to humanity. Eh, that sounded really weird but yea.
I'm really sorry Huzaifah! You are really a nice and responsible guy! I know it's damn irresponsible for us to abandon you suddenly! Hope you guys have fun tomorrow. (:
- - -
Met up with zanyu after chingay thing. It started out bad. Cus we (ok, maybe I) impromptu-ly decided to go Vivo to catch The Grand Chef and reached there to realised that the we cant make it for the Only Slot left. Boo.
So we took the train all the way back to cityhall and went marina sqaure instead. We werent early to buy the tickets and ended up 3rows from the screen. It wasnt that bad actually, just that we could have gotten much better seats.
The movie was really nice. It was funny And touching at the same time. (: Bad people come to no good end! After that we went to walk around in marina square before eating dinner. Ate in Pick&Bite and ordered so much that we almost couldnt finish. But with zanyu around, no food will be wasted la.
Then walk around somemore before going back home.
Yay he sent me back!
Alright needa study Spas over the weekend and I have exactly one week to decide if I want to go back to doing NUH. Or maybe they will send me emails to kick me out. :/ But what eileen said made sense. There's only 1 training left and then it's chingay preview And parade already.
Just get it over and done with?
PETTY-NESS!
Friday, January 25, 2008
AHHHH, I'm so busy this weekend!
Had pre JTS just now and reached home at 1140pm! I'm feeling bloody tired now. Pre JTS was alright. Wasnt particularly fun and high but not very boring and sian either.
Then we went sky park to play for awhile before I decided that I needed to leave the place asap for me to be able to get up tomorrow morning.
Chingay tomorrow morning and then out with zanyu. Chingay again on sunday for the entire day. There goes my weekends and byebye to all the time I needed to study for my bio And chem mock spa, do my evolution tutorial and econs essays omg!
And I must blog about Joel's birthday and chunkiat's fabulous present for him!
Will blog again!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I cant believe I lost zanyu's birthday towel for me and I used it only once lei! ): 'm feeling damn upset.
On a lighther note, I'm gonna start developing photos! So exciting. I can have my own photo album, depicting my life.
Did maths, volume tutorial for 3hours. Am left with biostats tutorial and Arenes tutorial to do. Boo.
a big tight hug ;
Today was super grrrrreat! I love staurdays. I lovelovelove saturdays!
Slept late yesterday and woke up at 6.50am this morning! I had chingay briefing in Raffles JC early in the morning! Woke up, wash up, changed and I'm off already. Wore my gorgeous loafers but it gave me horrible blisters cus clever me didnt wear socks. I was like cursing with pain with every step.
Chingay briefing was alright. Got into our groups and all of my friends, namely eileen, nafisah, minghwei, yujuan and renying got into traffic management, congratulations. It was our what? 3rd choice and I didnt even leave a reason why I chose that. Traffic lei! Walao!
But oh well, with friends, I guess the toughest job will be fun too. Broke into sub groups and played ice breaker. People in my group are mainly from VJC, NJC, Dunman thru train, 1 MJC and 1 TPJC. They were all very nice and the dunman boys were very friendly and fun. Minghwei, yujuan and I got so damn high!
Eileen and naf were in another group. The briefing ended early with the discussion of scenarios being the last part. It was boring and organisation were rather bad. How do they actually expect registration of 800 people to be done within 15mins?
But I saw a lot of familiar faces. Many many Victorians. Saw old andersonians like gang quan, james lee, valerie etc. Even saw zanyu's friend cheng yong. haha but I feel real happy seeing so many familiar faces.
Then went bishan to get hidden socks and eileen and I impromptuly bought *erhem underwears. But they were nice and pink. (:
She went to meet her cousin while I met zanyu. We took train to Square 2, had lunch there, walked around and played arcade. Ate Han's peach tart too. I dont really know how we managed to spend like 4hours there. Oh and I discover this shop which eileen would probably like. Got her something really cute too.
Oh but we camwhored. Haha we were sitting on a bench and resting our legs and had nothing to do. It was so funny. Took a lot of unglam pictures and his classmates happened to walk by and they laughed at us. Hmrph. :/ But it was damn funny, anyway.
Trained back home and had dinner in buddy hoagies before going back home. Ah, another one week before I can see him again! Sian.
Yay lots of people owe me money!
I was doing nose thingy a long time ago, using zanyu's dad phone cos mine was sent for servicing. Apparently, this photo made his friend laughed like mad. Hmrph.
Stars by zanyu, representing the number times we met so far. I'm learning to make them.
he go and move his head. :/
US <3
Our loafers! I picked both of them so I got good taste okay! (glares at jg, ron and marcus!)
with much love <3
Friday, January 18, 2008
Yo people, it's the Weekends again! So super happy now. (:
I dont understand why people keep telling me this week has flown by cus it seemed rather slow for me. Maybe because I have been looking forward to friday night since Monday morning.
This has been okay. Some exciting things happened, like my coach's boyfriend proposal to her on 15 January. It got me quite hyped up and makes me feel like getting married. Haha, the netball girls got her this pair of wedding teddy and a card. (:
Then on wednesday, eileen, eileen's friend linying and me went down to NUH just to collect our school CIP forms. Since queensway near there, eileen and I then went down to queensway to get my gorgeous loafers, which apparantly, only a minority think it's gorgeous.
my gorgeous (i think) loafers.
i know, some of you are already thinking that my taste is weird. Weilin was like, " Wa, damn ugly la!" Minghwei, " Huhhhhhh." Oh well.
Yay, chingay tomorrow morning. The organisation committee hasnt sent me details regarding tomorrow morning. Rah! And then meeting zanyu after that! And I didnt go for my one and a half cycling session today. So sian la. Came back home and fell asleep! Can't believe it.
And my back is recovering! Can do sit and reach already, though it still hurts a little.
Naf and me after training.
Shall blog hop now. Nobody's online to talk to me. ):
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Spent the entire day slacking at home. I was in the packing mood, so I packed my table. Now it looks different, and a lot bigger!
Finished up my skill A report, like finally. Spent so damn long writing it and it was like 5 pages long? Skill A sucks, esp for bio. So basically that's what I have done today.
Gonna revise bits of chem and pack my wardrobe later, so new clothes can come in. (: Oh yes, I was packing my table when I came across letters from natalie (omgoodness, loads of them), jes and amily. I didnt throw them away! Haha, am planning to read them again when I'm free.
Then I came across mas' and mine show and tell file on blood stain pattern. And her vday cards from sec3 onwards. And eileen's boxful of stuff before she left for IP. And my drawings of cardcaptor sakura, liangjun's bday gift in sec3 and letch's countless letters full of nonsense.
Haha. (:
School tomorrow. :( And my back still hurts.
before i packed my table. I hardly had space to do my report!
HAHA, there are so many boxes on my table now.
my neat table!
my new pair of shoes. (:
am i pretty much alone?
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Today was fun! Cus it was my break for this entire week. Tomorrow I'm gonna stay at home to finish up my skill A report and revise bits of J1 work. Horrible lei, but I didnt revise during the hols so I guess I have to do it now.
Went NUH this morning. I had to travel there all by myself. ): Then collected the toys and all and went to the ward to entertain the kids. It was rather boring today but time seemed to flies though. I played monopoly for the first time in my life and my money ran out so damn fast!
Then eileen left early and I continued till 12. Then bought a few more stuff, travelled to redhill and waited for zanyu at the delta hockey pitch. It was intimidating and weird seeing so many NJC hockey players. And it was awkard walking behind them.
Then we went queensway with the intention of looking for a backpack for me. I'm currently carrying my sec4 billabong bag to school and I look so kiddish! But no backpack caught my eyes but 2 pairs of shoes did!
In the end I got myself a new pair of school going shoes. Pretty pink adidas shoes. The shopkeeper sold it to me at $60 only, originally it was at $79. He wanted to sell me at $50 but I unintentionally blurt out that it was too cheap! I'm so stupid my god. So he raised it to &60. AH!
And I saw this pull up shoes for $20 and it was awfully cute. But I didnt buy to. Insane to buy 2pairs in a day.
Went for dinner with zanyu after that. Oh no, can only see him like in a week's time. Haix.
Need do skill a report liao!
Friday, January 11, 2008
YES PEOPLE! It's friday and I love fridays. Been looking forward to friday since monday. Sucha long wait. And I forgot to bring tie to school today. Urgh, i like wearing the school tie.
Nothing exciting happened this week. I mean, it's school, how exciting can that be anyway. Oh, but that one and only amk sec boy is in my junior class and happens to be my sister's vball senior! So cool right. The world is tiny.
I cant train for 2 weeks. How depressing. It sucks to be cycling up there for an hour and a half while watching everyone in the hall train. Why isnt my back recovering. So sickening.
Cycled with Joce today for one and a half hour, watching 136 plus freshmen going to floorball trials. A bit insane la. They were like having this circuit thing when freshmen will go in groups.
The hall felt like it was lacking in oxygen! Wanted to play floorball (I miss playing it) but they were having training after 2-3hours of trials. Boo.
Yay NUH tomorrow and I'm finally meeting up with zanyu! (:
You forgot, don bother, or what?
Monday, January 07, 2008
I was damn prepared to go for lesson, I swear. I like brought all my worksheets, prepared all my pens and organiser and was ready for lessons. BUT, yujuan's one sentence, "You wanna crash sea reghetta?" and I wavered! So loser!
So in the end, renying, yujuan and I changed into our PE shirts and went ecp with the rest of the freshmen and many J2s came too! In the end, my whole class ponned classes and the teachers had to cancel lessons. I didnt have any proper lessons since school started. :/ And I heard other schools are already killing their J2s. Yikes!
But anyway it was fun! Definitely more than it would have been if we went for lessons. Despite not having a change in anything (not even the undies, and I have training in the noon!), I went ahead to play Tug of War and got myself so soaking wet. We made Nichpang wet too! And stupid leongchunkiat threw sand and I became salty and sandy. It was gross to the max.
Then I became red and blotchy cos of the dirty sea water. Went back school earlier to rinse. I had to made do with wet underwear and sports bra. EWWW! They dried, somewhat, and I went for training.
Training was great, with lots of J1s because we have enough people to do decent ball drills and play matches. WHEE! I hope my back will improve, despite trainings. Waha.
PICTURES!
My birthday cake!
jinning and me!
RENYING AND ME! crashing freshmen orientation, Sea Reghetta!
VJC new (fake) field. They ripped out the track today. :/
renying people-watching.
my fringe is so urgh! And that's yujuan.
AHA, models (wanna bes) (:
Saturday, January 05, 2008
CRAP! i forgot to do new year resolution so here goes my birthday resolution, whatever la.
#1. Be more contented and less demanding.
#2. Be more understanding.
#3. Be more selfless.
#4. Be more hardworking.
#5. Be a better girlfriend, friend, classmate, team mate and person.
#6. Put in my Every best for all the thing when netball is concerned.
#7. Eat less, save more.
#8. Be healthy and not fall ill.
#9. To frown less and smile more.
#10. Be more patient and not lose my top.
Anyway I lost weight! And it's not intentional. Was 43+ kg and now I'm 41+kg! So weird. But I'm definitely eating lesser than last time. (:
Ah, tired.
WHEE! Today was ubbbberrr great!
I was quite sad yesterday cos I Really thought that nobody will remember my birthday. But am happy today cos most of them still do. Hooray!
But my boyfriend is the best! Zanyu's so sweet. (:
So I woke up at 6am today to prepare for the RGS match later and at 6.15am, I recieved his very unexpected sms, complaining that he woke up and cant fall asleep. So I exchanged a bit of sms with him before he told me to go to my doorstop cus he delievered my presents to my doorstep. And I was like, "Yea riiight."
But two big package of stuff were there! I was so damn surprised la. I didnt have time to try figure out how he did that, brought everything in and had to rush off already. Then he was there waiting for me! I was so shocked la!
But I was damn happy as well. He woke up at bloody 5.30am!!! That crazy boy. Then, we walked to the station and he went back home to sleep and I went for my match! Match was okay. I feel so sian to play with RGS again cus we played with them 3 times or more already and it's so bleargh.
Played WD and WA. I love defending. (: But Im getting suckier at attacking. ): After the matches, my team mates sang birthday song and had a candle on a muffin and presented to me a boxful of cupcakes! WHEE, so sweet!
Went back home, rested, bathed and then out again to J8 with zanyu. Walked around, got birthday presents for his mum, walked somemore and then dinner-ed. I treated him to dinner!
Then sat under my void deck for a while before he left. Thanks so much for the surprise! Ah! I'm so happy. And really, i'm so sorry if I was a difficult girlfriend. Haha, and I whine a lot. And do stupid stuff most of the times, but I cant help it.
Anyway I love birthdays! I'm kinda sad mine is ending soon and I'm 18! It's scary. I could still remember how weilin and I do stupid stuff when we're little. How we love and always play "Play Pretend". Then, how we all grew up and abandoned our toys and went for contact lenses, new clothes and heels! How we got involved in relationships.
Oh no, we're growing up! Shit.
ANYWAY PICTURES!
the wall deco for this year orientation! Knights, Riders vs Rangers.
my 2008 timetable. I need a lot of smiley faces to make school happier.
the cupcakes my team members got for me. They were letters from them too. So sweet la. I love my team mates yo!
apparently, the dog is quite biiiigggg!
WHEE! i love the christmas dog at waston!
zanyu's presents for me! The dog looks suffocated!
OH YES must thanks those who wished me today! Thanks Zanyu, Eileen, letch, jiankai, jiong guang, ronald, jonathan, mavis, weilin, daphne, anna, renying, chunkiat, joel, daddy!, marcus, zhonghuan!, yujuan, nafisah, jocelyn, yvonne, natalie, kaixin, yongyuan and minghwei for ur sms and msn wishes! You lovely people!
Alright, I'm off!
Friday, January 04, 2008
yay I'm 18 already!
But this year isnt my best birthday.
I miss having birthdays with my friends, in school. Haix.
But I had the largest cookie ever! From mas. Thanks mas, for the card too. You never fail to give me a birthday card every year. (:
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Xueling is depressed. ):
Xueling is depressed because school has officially started. Haix.
ANYWAY! First few days of school were really boring, unless you are an OGL, which I'm not. I kinda regretted not being one though but the thought of going through a possible very unpleasant interview still turns me off.
We didnt have lectures at all cos of R papers and so we go school only for tutorials, which is pretty dumb. Breaks are more than lessons itself. Renying, Yujuan and I crashed orientation today. Just changed into PE attire and went different OG groups with our juniors or friends in them.
Mass dancing was fun. Partner-ed minghwei. Then had to tend the booth for CCA walkabout. Ran off to talk to kaixin, ziqin and hannah. Aha, then was accompanied by eireen, weishan and andrea. Just hung around in school, gave weishan a school tour cos both andrea and her didnt want to participate in the orientation. Tsk.
Reached back home, slacked and watched tv. (:
I miss the hols and I'm so awfully bored.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
HAPPY HAPPY DAY!
Because weilin (who is finally well, alive and kicking) and i went new year shopping. I love new year, cos there is sales everywhere!
Went town to get our clothes. Before that, we were camwhoring at home. Haha, we are weird. But anyway! Went far east to look for clothes. On the way there, we past Mango and Mango is having a ridiculous sale of up to 70% discount!!!
So we popped in and saw many many nice clothes at very reasonable price. I got a grey dress there in the end. Haha, a very casual dress but I like it.
Then we went far east and walked A LOT. Tried on so so so many pieces of clothings and settled for a yellow tube top for me, white tube top and yellow dress for weilin. I kinda influenced her into liking yellow too. (:
Then she got a yellow billabong pencilcase which I so adore. ):
We couldnt find any nice shoes and Mondo shoes have turned boring. Shoes can wait. Then after 4 hours plys of walking, we went back home. I cant believe there's school tomorrow. Oh my god, I dont want to go school! Haix.
PICTURES!
weilin and I look alike!
weilin and I look
disturbingly alike!
my sisters and I
The tube top I bought. My first tube top (:
the dress I got from Mango.
weilin's dress! argh, so cute la! I'm seeing green.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
2008 gonna rock,
i hope.
